a christian hedonist

february again.

it reminds me of the end of term, the finals, the graduation, the job, the summer, especially the last one and the one before that...
oh, and the birthday.

in case i'm busy on that day, which is highly probable, i just want to say that i felt very different a year ago.
not that anyone says anything, but somehowinow feelthe expectationof turning intoan adult overnight.
i'm not ready, damit.

oh, and a quick note on love, since i'll probably just as busy on valentine.
i was trying to write my shakespeare's a midsummer's night dreampaper the other day. there were 3 choices for topic: realistic comedy, imagination, and love.
the first i have little idea about, the second i have none, and, unfortunately, i could actually think of something onthe lastwhile listening to some music in the bus.
and so on i wrote.
but the more i do, the less i think i know on the subject.
the thing is i have no direct experience, not really to be frank.
and that's not my fault. (i wouldn't admit it anyway, so force me=P)

but it's a little too late to change now. i'm too busy to think it all over again. so i might just fix what i had the best i could.

everything in the past few days was just in a bit of a blur.
but i'm ok now.
believe me.

anyway, last week i just got vanessa carlton's album harmonium. very nice. like falling in love all over.
and it keeps me wondering whether guys ever feel the same way.
you tell me. cause i can only guess.

...

Crashed on the floor when I moved in
This little bungalow with some strange new friends
Stay up too late, and I'm too thin
We promise each other it's til the end
Now we're spinning empty bottles
It's the five of us
With pretty eyed boys girls die to trust
I can't resist the day
No, I can't resist the day

Jenny screams out and it's no pose
'Cause when she dances she goes and goes
Beer through the nose on an inside joke
I'm so excited, I haven't spoken
And she's so pretty, and she's so sure
Maybe I'm more clever than a girl like her
The summer's all in bloom
The summer is ending soon
It's alright and it's nice not to be so alone
But I hold on to your secrets
In white houses

Maybe I'm a little bit over my head
I come undone at the things he said
And he's so funny in his bright red shirt
We were all in love and we all got hurt
I sneak into his car's black leather seat
The smell of gasoline in the summer heat
Boy, we're going way too fast
It's all too sweet to last
It's alright and I put myself in his hands
But I hold on to your secrets
In white houses

Love, or something ignites in my veins
And I pray it never fades
In white houses

My first time, hard to explain
Rush of blood, oh, and a little bit of pain
On a cloudy day, it's more common than you think
He's my first mistake

Maybe you were all faster than me
We gave each other up so easily
These silly little wounds will never mend
I feel so far from where I've been
So I go, and I will not be back here again
I'm gone as the day is fading on white houses
I lie, put my injuries all in the dust
In my heart is the five of us in white houses

And you, maybe you'll remember me
What I gave is yours to keep
In white houses

White Houses, Vanessa Carlton, bold added